Passive aggression, active destruction - same thing
When I moved to the USA almost 30 years ago, I learned a new term - passive aggression. It describes a type of behavior or personality characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and an avoidance of direct confrontation. In other words, the lack of honest communication or engagement with others, when one is unwilling or unable to meet their expectations. Furthermore, it includes the action of thwarting progress towards others' expectations, but covertly and not in their line of sight.
In the endeavor of creating and driving transformation, to which I have dedicated a good chunk of my professional life, I have witnessed and encountered many examples of passive aggression. Also, in my personal life, and I would venture to assume, in yours as well, this experience has been rich. But no matter if one is in a work context or navigating a one-on-one relationship with another individual, passive aggression is never a positive contributor to a high performing team culture or a strong foundation for a lasting partnership. In fact, passive aggression is actively destructive.
We might be well aware of some of its symptoms - you thought your proposal was approved, but nobody is supporting the execution, or the boss who cannot ever seem to find the time to make a decision or give feedback on a request, or the colleague who is never reachable, no matter how hard you try to connect, or the teammate who received your email and answered all the questions you did not ask, but not the specific one that you did ask, or when feedback about one person being shared with everyone but the subject. I once worked with a team where this kind of behavior was rife. Not only was it not a fun experience for any of the members, but it severely hurt the business' performance as well.
It is quizzical that even leaders who manage large teams, who should have a strong and vested interest in well-working organizations, are guilty of passive aggression, when, in fact, it is they who could best play an active role in building teams were transparency and candor are encouraged. Therefore, I take these managers of teams and organizations especially to task for ensuring that these dysfunctional habits do not become a hallmark of their group culture.
But no matter if one is in a work context or navigating a one-on-one relationship with another individual, passive aggression is never a positive contributor to a high performing team culture or a strong foundation for a lasting partnership. In fact, passive aggression is actively destructive.
In my experience and from observation, I have identified that any of five root causes tend to underlie passive aggressive behavior in senior leaders, namely (1) misaligned priorities, (2) weak communication processes, (3) critical skills or capacity deficit, (4) "pleaser" styles, and (5) personality politics.
Here are some brief reflections around each root cause that could help you manage your own style or foster a more healthy culture within your team:
Misaligned priorities - Avoid a silo mentality taking root in your team. Drive integrated business planning that links all departments' strategic and operational priorities to the overall team's goal. Link department priorities and key performance indicators to each other. Purposefully, manage a team versus a collection of individuals.
Weak communication processes - Make key managers and yourself accessible to each other. Create safe spaces to hear each voice. Regularly and face-to-face, share progress and next steps on overall and department priorities. Drill deep into problem areas and find cross-functional solutions. Be disciplined about following up with responsible owners in team meetings. On your own, make time to hear from the rank and file too.
Critical skills or capacity deficit - Seek to understand versus blindly prefer the status quo. Identify where knowledge or skills are short and limiting you, individuals or the team in understanding or responding to an issue, so none turn to avoidance to save face. Help the team create time and capacity to look beyond the short-term tactics and tackle opportunities whose results are more long-term.
"Pleaser" styles - Learn how to give honest, constructive and respectful feedback, including saying "no" or reprimanding bad behavior. Provide feedback often, directly and unambiguously. Make and communicate decisions quickly and clearly. Avoid leading, encouraging or participating in side conversations that were not aired in the real meeting or when the subject could have or should have received it.
Personality politics - Develop your leadership character. Try not to hold grudges when you don't get your way or are passed over for advancement. If you can't get over it, leave the company, versus undermine your peers. Be fair and consistent with everyone and don't play favorites or try to build cliques. Your team is watching and if they don't like the way you advance, they will never respect you anyway.
Remember that passive aggression never resolves issues. It not only creates more loose ends, but also frays them - and it is difficult to change if not addressed directly. Assess your team today and find out how much passive aggressive practices exist. Examine your own role and start (now) making the changes and being a better role model. As a leader, I am sure that this legacy of active destruction would not be one of which you would be proud and for which you want to be remembered.